12 Years of Friendship

It's been a long time since I chatted with someone on MSN for a good period of time. I've just catched up with this gal friend of mine for 12 years! Yes, 12 years! I've known her since Primary 4, when I was her senior prefect. She's the first girl whom totally captured my attention. I rememberd taking the same bus as her together and sharing unlimited afternoon conversations over the phone. It's just so happen that we were both in the same ECAs, Track and Prefect Board which really improved the chemistry between the two of us. Some of the things that happened were quite crazy. There was a period of time whereby she was angry with me for a good ONE month because I pushed her towards another guy. That was a really cold war month, she totally ignored me and didn't accept any of my phone calls. I rememberd chasing her close friend when I was in Primary 6, so that I could have the excuse to go out with her without any suspicion. (Yes, I know that's very unfair to the other girl!) Of course, all the truths of our actions were not made known to each other until much later. Like, she was actually interested in me back then and was thus angry with me when I pushed her towards another guy. She also later learnt that I was actually "using" her close friend just to get close to her.

Our friendship continued on to Secondary school and JC days. Secondary 4. Yes, that's the time that I found out that she actually did like me before and was sort of waiting for me to ask. Although, she told me recently that she might not accept me even if I were to ask her back then. She felt we were too young to be in a relationship. Ironically, she later on got attached towards the end of that year. I was quite saddened by the news, as I thought I could very well be the one. Her relationship wasn't that enjoyable. The guy was demanding and ultimate MCP. He didn't give her enough freedom and space. It all ended quite unfairly when the guy became the unfaithful one after coming into Uni and getting hooked with another girl. I felt injustice for her and she has confided into me as a friend during that time.

It did cross my mind during that period of time to maybe try out our possiblities again, but I guess we were both concerned with our just-broken-up relationships during that time. It didn't take long before she got attached to this nice guy. From what she told me, this guy was the opposite of her first. He gave her space and freedom, but somehow my friend didn't feel enough fulfillment in the relationship and called it an end to it just a few months ago.

She told me she's finding her purpose in life, the meaning of love and true happiness. She has this very close guy friend of hers whom they know each other since Sec. 1. They are each other's companion, open relationship you may call it. Maybe as what she said, they are too close to each other to get involved in a BGR that will involves confliction due to commitments and whatever. They are now just happy with each other's company and presence. However, she's feeling the love trap coming in for her yet again...or is it love?

There's always this special connection between me and her. Maybe it's because of the duration we have known each other since young or maybe it's because of a different kind of love that I've developed for her. I no longer want to be her partner. Actually I've never wanted to and dared to. The main reason for me holding back all those years was simply because I felt inferior to her. To me, she was this perfect nice lady with good intelligence and genes. For now, I just care for her as maybe a brother, I wish her all the happiness that she may derive from this current situation and whatever that beholds her in the future. I am happy for her. She told me that she's happy for me too, as I was just telling her that my girl is just sleeping behind me and I am sort of watching over her sleep. She told me that's the most wonderful thing that can happened to a person in love. I totally agree with her. For not onlyI have a wonderful girlfriend in jUnLi, but also because I've overcome the first obstacle of getting myself a smart and intelligent girl with good genes.

I am blessed.