Insane

I've gone insane.
I've become ultra protective of my block, my friends.
I've misunderstood my dearest.
I've done it again.
I've lost myself.
I've a bad feeling...

Mixed Feelings

Been blogging a lots recently. Guess I have lots things on my mind. Somehow I just don't know how to put it into words. Yow is checking out of KR tml to embark a new 4 months experience in US. Will definitely miss him as a block head, friend and senior.

Having mixed feelings... yes again...

Dirty-Violent-Aggresive

Warning: R21

E block is Dirty. E block is Violent. E block is Aggressive.

Since last year, I've been hearing all these comments. Where all the calls when other blocks are doing the same thing. Where are the calls when other blocks are pushing and pulling people. Where are calls when others are trash talking on the court. Where are the calls when other block do not shake the opponents' hand when they floor them!

I am fucking irritated and pissed!

Yes, times and times again, people have told me to ignore when others said. From Hon and tootall to Kendrick and my dearest jL. So what you want me to do? Ignore these comments and let others tarnish E block's reputation!? I take pride in the block I reside in. I will not condone such comments from taking place. I dare the challenge:

WHOEVER HAS ANYTHING AGAINST E BLOCK, FACE ME! FUCKING COWARDS! COME TALK TO ME FACE TO FACE AND STOP GOSSIPING BEHIND OUR BACK! KNNBCCB...SOB!

"I hate your block" FUCK YOU CB. If you felt so disgusted by what Hon and tootall did last year, then why did you do it yourself this year! I didn't say my seniors were super gentlemen during last year's IBG, but you yourself made that kind of comments then why are you playing dirty!? FUCKER! Now let me say this ...

I FUCKING HATE YOU AND YOUR BLOCK! YES FUCKING CCB A BLOCK!

As for the rest of the other blocks. Ever since last year, I've been wondering what have their seniors been educating them. I am starting to think if their seniors tell them about "E block is dirty, E block is violent...blabla" If that's the case, I am really disappointed with the kind of education and the whole IBG. Yes, IBG - the friendly Inter Block Games. We, Eguanas play to win, we play hard, we play aggresive, if we happen to be violent and dirty at anytime on the court, we shake our opponents hand and apologise. We never set out to kill or injure anyone. We never ever have a team talk that say the other block is dirty or violent. We know those things are part and parcel of a competitive games. As for other block team talks? I don't know...

Still remember Jieming was telling me the other day that he purposely injured this Arsehole from some block. I was surprised by what he did. In my eyes, he's a clean player, but yet he did that kind of thing. I admit I didn't pity that Arsehole, I didn't like him anyway, but I wouldn't have done something like that. SO WHAT NOW?

Guess the issue of E block being the dirty block is going to stay for long. Yes, we may not win IBG this year. SO WHAT? I can't be bothered already. Not because I've given up. Because the whole situation and whole fucking format and the running of IBG is FUCK UP. I am disgraced to be in SMU! Run by a dictator! Puiz!

Challenge me. Kick me out of the Hall. I don't give a FUCKING DAMN. I've kept my silence about the whole situation long enough. For those who want to know why I am so pissed with this year's IBG. This is it. This is the very FUCKING REASON!

Great Example

A mail from QY to the rest of the block...

Dear Eguanas,

Its time for me to pack and go. For the last few times i am writing to u guys as a blockhead, some of my heartfelt sentiments from the past 2-3yrs of stay in KR eblk.

Sports Champions.
Yes, we are. No matter what happens, nothing is going to change it. No other blocks can easily match our amazing feat of achieving 7 out of 8 yrs. Sometimes it takes abit of luck to win or even lose our games, but, always stay positive and look further than that. Defeats makes us stronger winners.

Seniors eguanas.
I would say all seniors are all respectable lots. There was no instant where Yr1s were placed lower priority than themselves. We love and care for each hatchling eguanas like how our seniors loved us. So, spread the love, make it a happy and sincere place. At this stage, i would jus mentioned a few names to make this mail shorter. ben, ken, mg, and basically all the 6th fl pple, tks for having faith in me and supporting me along the way.

the yr2 bunch, yz, ron, janice, shuqi, teckie, aiping, nikki, wilson, elaine, alvin, enwei, robin, linus, weijie, xiaoyun, steph, rachel, suresh.. when i see u guys, i feel extremly happy when i see u guys, deja vu, seemingly recalling hw my batch used to be =) remember, success comes if only theres continuity of leaders, unite and stand tall.

of coz, our last remaining yr4 final yr, model Rayond Tan. Little people know that he actually leaves a deep impression within me since I was yr1, purely becoz he led by example, superb example. A small deed that goes a long way. Thank you.

Hatchling Eguanas
Everyone batch of yr1s behave differently, i have to admit, it gets better and better every yr. I'm truly amazed by ur determination and grit to win the games. For those who shed and bled in the games, i salute u. Never have i seen such a passionate bunch before. Similiarly, people recognised and value the end product, but its usually the intermediate process that bonds pple together. I'm sure somehow the IBG trainings enable us to understand our peers better. That is whats important. True friendship and companionship. You will start to realised that Winning is not everything, winning for friends is. So, lets hang in there and make your virgin IBG a memorable one, be it in achievements, spiritually or physically. Special mentions to some hardcore fanatics, pearline yum for braving all injuries, dinah for causing injuries, loh jie for attending injuries, haha.. gd job pple.. the desire was phenomenal, praises also to jiemin, christina, william, xinyu, xunyu, jiayong, ce ying, shujun, changjie, hongye, lishi, kingman, wei aun, derek for diligently attending trgs and facilitating trgs. well done!

Enough said, thanks for having faith with me as a block head. It was pleasant serving you people and i hope the same if not more of the support goes to the new block head. Like the name suggests, block head is only the head, the mind, its needs friends to materialise its thoughts, to put thoughts to actions. so essentially every single individuals of the block counts.

I am proud to be an Eguana, proud to be an Eguana block head, proud to be a Kent Ridgean, proud because I know i am worthwhile and valued.

Thank you my dear eguanas. Take care.


Yours truly,
Qingyou
Eblk head 04/05


My tears dropped into my packed lunch...

Indeed, this man has set the standard, the example, the attitude, the perseverence and many more qualities to the rest of us. Past seniors have set great examples to their juniors. tootall, hon, mavis, pearlyn and QY are the ones who have made a great impact to my stay in E block. I will always remember and agree to what tootall mentioned in his blog before. Hall stay is not about the hall, it's about your friends. Friends... are the only thing that stop me from withdrawing now...

I am a sore loser and I hate unfairness... But so what? That's how the world is like...nothing is fair... just like jL was innocently scolded by me yesterday...

I am the problem by myself, I am a negative example to many. I left the court and team without saying a word to my teammates. I failed as a senior, I failed as a player. I failed as a boyfriend. What else can I do better? Only my friends know...but I don't...

Great Example? Someone else is...not me...

I am Sorry ...

I can never get things right...

I am sorry for not taking the fast break chance, E block.

I am sorry for losing my cool, referees.

I am sorry for showing attitudes to you, baby...

I am sorry... but I guess this is going to be my last sem...

Thank You!

Really feel blessed to good friends around. Encouragements and words of concerns from some of my friends over the past few days. Thank you Ken, Alvin, Jinrui, tootall, just to name a few, to have given me some form of encouragements and moltivations. I am really blessed to have you guys as friends.

Some of my friends are going overseas for exchange or studies...will defintely miss their presence. I admit I may not be the best of mate for many of my friends. But I always feel a certain "sense of loss" whenever I see them leaving me for another phase of their life. Yes, the emotional me again. Oh well...Hope I can make it for their departure ...

Michelle - US bound : 5th Sept
QY - US bound: 9th Sept
Xunyu - UK bound: 23 Sept?

Thanks once again all for having faith with this inferior boy. =)

Helpless Weekend 2...

Things are not going the way I want it. I want to achieve so much but am limited by so many. Lost on court, lost in spirit, lost in attitude. Lost in confidence, filled with jealousy. Perhaps, I am just at war with myself again.

Tears and laughters... All that doesn't matter anymore. I am somehow numbed. Passion...somehow disppeared. With all being said about being a sportsman, sports block. I think I may not be the right example to myself, let alone say to the year 1s. Seriously thinking about my future.

Filled with jealousy. Not a gentleman. Just an Ah Beng.

DISGUSTED

I am truly disgusted with the all IBG...there are too many things to mention...not in the mood to write them all. I can only say I am really disgusted by the whole thing. I am seriously thinking of withdrawing from hall...

Spur of words? Maybe...But I am super duper disgusted by the whole situation.

Pissed. Irritated. Disgusted!

GOOD LUCK BABY!!!

ALL THE BEST FOR DRIVING TEST TOMORROW, BABY!!!

3 sweetie popiahs, packet full of Roti Hui and pineapple biscuits made my day! Of course nothing beats the presence of you! =)

Helpless Weekend...

In pain...

Unable to solve tutorials...

Having random thoughts...

Feeling helpless...

Face with uncertainties...

Lonely...

Pains...

Arg...

superficial wound on the left knee.

Aching muscles on both thights, butt and chest.

Cranky ankle...

What's worse to spend the weekend in hall with all these problems...

Problem with myself?

Really think I have a pyschotic problem...

Somebody please help me...

Please save her...

Crazy.

Ah Neh Mentor

Sian tiao...My mentor is an Ah Neh...V Subramaniam....argh!!!

Anyway, I would like to use this blog to thank those who showed and had faith in me. Thanks for believing in me that I can make a difference and do a job as some leader in this hall. Maybe I don't feel much for the hall...to sacrifice my own time. All I treasure is the people here. I feel for the people. Just like I feel for the whole rag team and the efforts of the entire hall on rag day. I teared for them not for the love of the hall...

Enough said. I am hungry!!! argh...

Getting fat again...with my hungry stomach...

Regrets

Haha... Just spoke to tootall over msn. Mentioned about regrets. Regrets over not doing something to the block or hall. I know I will regret. That's for sure. I have lots of regrets in my life. From not going after my ex when she stepped out of the restaurant to signing on then to not failing my officer course on purpose. Not knowing how to reject ppl, which always ended me on the suffering end. All these have made me stronger or perhaps more sceptical about taking up offers or positions. Yes, ppl have all the faith in me. But sadly, I've no more faith in myself. Not when I can't do well in my studies even though I've tried hard. Maybe I will feel shitty when the new captain takes over the ship and have a fruitful journey and experience. Maybe I will gloat when I see the captain suffers. But I know I will never be the evil one who just enjoy myself on the deck of the ship. For sure, I will offer my helping hands despite with jealousy.

Like jL has told me... I can't always be taking up leadership roles...it's time to let others take a chance to lead. Yes, I have never proven myself in KR or in NUS in general...But at least I am glad I've found someone who appreciates me...

I've learn to move on...

Injury prone and weak

Haiz...

Got injured again...knee and ankle again...

Why am I so bloody weak...

Sad.

copycAts

It's funny how some Ather block is copying the trend of having a common name at the front of their msn nicks...chey lack of originality and taste. At least C block has some funky in their name. And Boo to those who bragged about their talents so arrogantly. We didn't even bragged about ours last year. At least I didn't do that and I didn't hear my seniors bragging about our good batch of year 1s. Best spirit block...I am not going let you win anything from Eguanas forest. At least not when I am around!

New Look, New Drive

It has been a great week for me. Things were smooth and happy for jL and me. Been able to work things out and improve our relationship further. Caught Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with jL and her family. Fun movie with freaky characters and superb story plot.

IBG is coming and I came up with the idea of asking every Eguanas to put [Team Eguanas] at the front of their MSN nicks. Being my great partner, jL did better by asking her C blkers to display [C-riously] on their nicks. What a creative girl. ;)

Had a new hair colour, or should I say, colours. Wanted to have a base colour and highlights. Brown for the base and blondy for the highlight. After first round of dyeing, it's still black! Cause of the problem. I dyed black few months ago, before I went back for attachment. So the hairdresser got to bleech my hair and re-dye them. I must say the process was painful for the scalp and the ears...as the bleech dye came into contact with them. After much tedious process of bleeching and washing and dyeing. I finally a head of three colours. Copper red, brownish and goldy...Haha~ Caught my neighbours by surprise when I stepped onto 6th floor just now. I am now the YING MU HUA DAO (slam dunk) of 6th floor :) Min gui wants to outdo me...BRING IT ON, HANTU! Hee~

IBG training tml morning....bball...yes! Come on! I am gonna get the gold for IBG bball this year!

Understanding Her

Life is definitely better with an understanding gf around.
I am blessed to have her in my life.

Thank You jL!

Lack of belief

Want to try out so many things

But lack of belief and confidence.

Worried of comments and stares.

Jealous of others achievements.

Left with despair and regrets.

Wish to be like them.

But that will remain as only a dream.

When will the old self be back.

Non-achiever

Nothing but just a slow learner.

Nothing but a lamer.

Nothing but a critic.

Nothing but a foul mouthed fella.

Nothing but a gossiper.

Nothing but a loser.

Everything but an achiever.

KR Warriors!

A day not to forget. We won the best flag day collection. Lost out on the Chancellor shield but we won in spirit. At least I enjoyed cheering and singing in the scorching afternoon sun.

KR! I don't know whether to love or hate you.

Felt great that RAG is finally over! Mainly because jL will not have to be tortured by those ARSEHOLES from Engin! I have a superwoman as a gf. Truly amazed and proud of her achievements in this RAG. Well done Miss gf! You are simply remarkable!

3 Cheers for jL!

Hip Hip Hooray!
Hip Hip Hooray!
Hip Hip Hooray!

RAG RUSH!

Ok, I think I am really siao on with the rag rush. But as I was sharing with my thoughts to fellow block mates just now. If it wasn't for mingui and kendrick and other friends in the RAG team, I wouldn't be working so late for RAG. Hantu was saying we are 60 percent near full completion for the float...is that a good news or bad? I mean with barely a day left and 60 percent done...

Like what I have learnt in SA...let's pray...

jL is still stucked at Engin. Quite worried about her, but she is always so strong and independant. Shall just wait for her return in my room.

It has been a really hectic two weeks. And class is starting next week! Argh!

How I wish I can go for another short trip overseas before the next phase of fights. Is that possible?

No mood to lame... but just thought of some phrase...

" Every individual is a miracle by himself, together we can create BIG miracles! "

cliche~? whatever...just some sudden crazy inspired phrase.

Come On

Fwoc is coming to an end. Must say the freshmen this year is superb! They are more siao on than my batch of intake. FLAG was a success. Both for KR and E block. We won the GOLD award and E block got the most amount of collection among the other blocks! RAG is in two days time. Quite worried that the float can't be completed in time. But judging the amount of help given by the freshmen, I am optimistic we can do it!

Decided to just take 5 core plus 1 GEM this sem. Don't think I am good and mad enough to take 7 modules in a sem. Quite nice to see many familiar names in the class roster of GEK 1006. Guess I would have fun doing this module this sem. To S/U or not?

jL is stressed up with RAG.

Jiayou my dear!

Hang On

jL, I don't know whether you would have the time to read this. Just want to tell you to hang on there and stay strong for the week k. Weekend will be here in no time and RAG will be over!

I LOVE YOU

Just a Game?

Just a game? More like a challenge...

Not having fun. Not enjoying. Made my decision.